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Dear First Born - The Making of Pure Gold,

You are almost there. The experience of the week when you were born. I, of course, was over due in every sense of the word. We entered the hospital to be induced. The Doctor tried for two days and it didn't work, so I came home with baby on the inside. It was emotional and hard. Walking back into the nursery without you in my arms felt so weird. You were still safe, but I was so ready to have you "out." Two days later I started labor naturally.

In a week, or two, you will walk a similar path. Inducing may happen, natural labor may happen. It will be totally different than my experience - and it will be exactly the same. Lord willing, a baby will be born. And you will know a joy and an overwhelming-ness that you have never experienced before.

I had been waiting all my life looking forward to that experience - of having a baby of my own. Perhaps it was too important to me. I don't know. But I loved it. I loved you from the moment I found out you were on your way. And I really had no idea what I was doing - but even when you don't know - you do it anyway. We had read, and watched videos and planned and prepared. We had a plan, a schedule, a system. We worked it. You are a product of that - but you are more a product of the things we didn't know. You are the son that God had a plan for that was so much more than we could have scheduled.

I knew a lot - but I didn't know the midnight hours of holding you for feeding and singing hymns in a whisper would be my favorite lasting memory. "O Sacred Head" was never more sacred to me than in those moments. I knew how to schedule you - but I didn't know it could really work and that soon you would sleep through the night and those midnight feedings would be gone before I knew it.

I knew we wanted to homeschool you, but I didn't know we would go through such challenging times that regular schooling would be included in those years. I knew it was hard - but God provided teachers that were excellent beyond my wildest imaginations. Carol Bradham was more than a teacher - she really was an angel - for both of us.

I knew I wanted a close relationship with you that would last forever. I didn't know how hard it would be to give you up in marriage. I knew I wanted a wife for you that would be all you dreamed and more - I really didn't know that I could gain a daughter that would bless my life and make up for the "giving up" that naturally comes with marriage.

It's funny - I never really thought about grandchildren in those early years. So, even now, I don't really know how to prepare - and at 37 weeks you would think I would be ready (I know Jordan is!) But this I know - I am in love with the idea of you being a Daddy.

Our great times, our challenging times, our happy moments and our saddest ones will all come together in an alchemy of change that will produce everything you need for this darling boy - and it will be the purest gold you have ever held. Trust me. I have been there.

With Love,

P.S. - I love you.

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